Journey to Motherhood
It’s Mother’s Day and as I sit and reflect on what my journey to motherhood looked like, I want to bring some peace, joy, and hope to those who may be in a season of waiting. My journey to motherhood wasn’t linear and honestly, I don’t think many women have a direct shot from point a of wanting to become a mother to point b actually becoming a mother.
Let’s rewind to 2016, 10 years ago. Specifically January of 2016 - fresh out of college, 5 months from my wedding, and a brand new resident to the KC metro area. One week after moving to KC, we got in a small accident and that accident led me to the removal of my left ovary. Anxiety engulfs my mind as my first fear was, “will I ever be able to become a mom and carry my own children.” I knew I (we) didn’t want kids right after we got married, but that didn’t mean I (we) never wanted kids. I spent a long time questioning God, but also clinging onto His hope because I know He gives the desires of our heart - it may just not look the way we think it will, which ultimately is better.
Skipping ahead a few more years I realized that I was going to need some pelvic floor therapy (PFT) because when basic women’s exams aren’t comfortable, it’s just best to get done what needs to be done. January of 2024 I started PFT with a referral from my doctor. If you’re in this spot, I promise you this, your body isn’t broken and healing and relief are on the other side of the work. I went to PFT consistently for 6 months and I truly believe this also helped me have the most beautiful pregnancy as well! Two months after I “graduated” PFT, we got pregnant with our first baby. Oh do I remember that positive pregnancy test like I took it yesterday. We were due in May of 2025, however that baby didn’t make it to the first ultrasound. We lost our sweet first baby Labor Day weekend of 2025 and in God’s kindness He carried us through as He always does.
After our miscarriage there were days we had to cling to hope while also letting ourselves feel the pain and grieve what was supposed to be our first child. We moved through the next months, cautious but hopeful while taking a small pause of TTC. In November, we decided we were ready to start trying again. Skipping ahead to December 23, 2024 I took a pregancy test the morning we were going to leave for NE for the holidays and by golly it was positive. My doctor got me in that morning for bloodwork to check my HCG levels because she was really wanting to avoid what happened last time and the morning of Christmas Eve I got an email confirming my HCG levels were in a healthy high range for pregnancy. GOD IN HIS KINDNESS.
I wanted to tell everyone and bottle it up all at once. I was on cloud 9 and disbelief my entire pregnancy and honestly I still am. There are so many ways I saw God show up in the journey that took us almost 10 years. From placing the right doctors in my life at the right time, to the perfect pelvic floor therapist for me, to the family and friends who helped carry us through our miscarriage and everything in between. He is in the details.
If you find yourself on this Mother’s Day longing to hold your first baby earth-side, losing hope that your time is coming, or praying through infertility .. I see you. I’m praying alongside you. I’m hopeful when you can’t be. I know He is a good good Father and in His kindness He will fill the desires of your heart.
xoxo,
Rachel Marie
